Today, will be a first for today, will be a first for me. I will be heading to the radiology center to have an MRA, sort of like an MRI performed on my brain to look for any signs of aneurysm. It’s one of those ticking time-bomb things that I have thought about for many years and now the search is serious and an MRA is reality. Those with PKD – polycystic kidney disease get screened for aneurisms because a blown gasket is a likely side effect of the disease. Between you and me, I’ve spent my whole life terrified of migraines. I grown to despise those damn plug in air fresheners since they are responsible for triggering a migraine and causing me to think that I. Was. Going. To. Die.
Aneurisms aside, I am wondering also what they will find in my brain from a quite serious closed head, head injury that I sustained as a child. I vaguely remember being kindergartenish age and having most of my head shaved. For whatever reason, my parents never took me to a hospital for proper medical care. I remember sleeping for days in bed … and bed spins, not able to keep a dresser level in my vision which was across the room. It was like a rolling television screen where the horizontal hold was screwed up. I still have a long scar where no hair grows and I’m hoping it’s not a big old dead spot in my brain.
City kids don’t have issues like that, right? Such is the life of a farm child in the seventies. Yes, I had to ask myself if I had not been on a farm would it have happened? If I had not been on a farm would have gotten medical care? If I had been a boy would I have gotten medical care. It seems like the life of a boy was different than that of being a girl. I was the only girl in my family, at that.
Early on in my life I had surmised my value. When you don’t have the adults in your life provide emergency medical care when it is sorely needed what other answer is there the wonder of being of value them?
The slate is wiped clean before that date. I vaguely remember the accident but nothing before. Not a single thing. My early childhood is a complete freeking mystery.