The Guava Tree

Michael Douglas

Personally, I don’t have a problem with guava, the fruit, but I do have had one with guava, the tree.  I was running down a sidewalk last week littered with dead guava and it reminded me of how glad I am that I went Falling Down on the guava tree in my own back yard.  In my head I blew it up but in reality I ordered my assistant to call a landscaper and have it cut down within the hour.

Gawwwwly, they’re messy little trees and their rotten fruit stains my patio bricks. Sometimes they’re a symbol of things that need to come to an end, a rectification or even an internal “you’re not the boss of me” so I killed the guava tree to prove I was the queen of my own castle.

RIP you effing guava tree 1998-2015.  I win.

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